|
|
Watch Dr. Kanner discuss this topic live this Monday, September 14th @ 8:20am on San Diego 6 News In The Morning - CW.
Background:
Almost all
parents deal with the same issue from the time children begin
formalized school through typically the Junior year of high school -
children are not naturally motivated to perform school and homework,
and battles then ensue in most households. Even parents who introduce
the important notion of good study habits run into resistances from
their children because other wishful activities outweigh performing
tasks, such as schoolwork. Similar to adults, children would rather
play than work. Such a normal and natural desire however, for the
adult, is then countered with "reality" and some sort of compromise is
typically reached because the adult, not child, is capable of such
reasoning. But, trying to convince a child of this concept is anything
but easy.
The importance of doing well in school leading to future success is an
abstract concept that most children are not able to naturally develop
until middle to late adolescence. It is almost as if the adolescent
"wakes up" and realizes that grades do matter for college and begin to
take school more seriously. Unfortunately though, sometimes it is too
late due to earlier failures to be responsible and college admissions
are compromised. This then leads both the child and parent alike to
feel quite disappointed.
In order to get children motivated to perform in school then, before
their brain is mature enough to self-motivate, the parent has to better
understand what will makes his or her child "tick" to get them to
perform tasks that might not be "fun". Before the capacity to
"abstract" (i.e. look ahead to the future), children tend to be very
"concrete" ( i.e. here and now). When parents understand this
capacity, they can then work together with their child in helping them
be academically-successful. For example, telling a 6 year-old that if
they do not do their homework, they will not get into college, will
have zero effect, because a 6 year-old cannot grasp such an idea and
may even become worried, leading to even more non-productiveness. But,
the savvy parent, who understands the "here and now concept", with the
non-adolescent, might use a combination of encouragement, such as "I
know this is not fun, but it has to get done", and then follow this
statement with "and once your homework is done, you can watch some TV",
has matched motivating a child taking into consideration where they are
developmentally. Limits can then be used to stress this point if
necessary. "To help you, not punish you, to get this work done, I
can't let you watch TV until your work is complete".
Although this technique tends to be the most effective with young children, other variables are also helpful including:
1. Setting a good example yourself. For example, I make sure I bring
homework home with me every night and do mine at the same time. My
kids are always more motivated when they see me work too.
2. Introduce a standard homework time early in your child's development. Good habits are important.
3. Allow kids to have a short break after school for a snack and some play/exercise time before a required "homework time".
4. Have your kids show you what they have to accomplish for the night and help them organize if necessary.
5. During homework time, give some positive reinforcement.
6. Provide some help if necessary. If they need professional
assistance, then consulting with an organization, such as Sylvan
Learning Centers is essential.
7. Having a group study time can sometimes also be helpful. I like the
library for when children see that they are not alone in doing
homework, this can lead to greater productiveness.
8. Celebrate completion. Children love to see their own success.
When a parent capitalizes on this, self-esteem builds for the child and
often times this lead to a desire to work harder for themselves.
9. If a child needs some extra help, or if a parent continues to struggle
with homework battles, a consultation with a learning center is good idea to rule
out any possible learning difference or to gain some support in better
helping your child feel successful. It is very important NOT to let our
children fail. This only hurts their self-esteem and once again,
learning from one's mistake, is another abstract concept truly only
available for most children in middle to late adolescence.
 Dr. Keith Kanner/ Morning Show Host
Your Family Matters
XETV Bay City Television
San Diego 6 News
San Diego Living Show
2008 Winner - Imedia Parenting Award for Television - Disney, Inc.
8253 Ronson Road, San Diego 92111
ph (619) 261-2346/ (858) 756-3050
drkanner@sandiego6.com
Anonymous comments are disabled
About drkanner
Dr. Kanner is a Licensed Clinical Child, Adolescent, and Adult Psychologist and Psychoanalyst with a full time private practice in Rancho Santa Fe, California. He is also an Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychiatry in the School of Medicine at U.C. San Diego and a Clinical Instructor and Supervisor at the San Diego Psychoanalytic Society and Institute. Recently, he has become the Director of Clinical Counseling for La Jolla Country Day School and has been named to the National Board of Directors for KidsKorps, USA. He continues as a Consultant for many public and private schools in San Diego and has also received distinguished teaching awards over the past seven years. He is a published author and a sought after speaker on topics pertaining to childhood, adolescence, and parenthood. He is also presently writing a book for Fox based on his show, Your Family Matters.
|
|
