Watch Dr. Kanner discuss this topic on Monday, August 3rd, @ 8:15am on San Diego6 - CW News In The Morning.
Background: If your family is like most, your children and
adolescents are still in a state of denial that school begins in about
three weeks from now. As parents however, you are ready for the summer
to end and excited about getting them back into structure yet you fear
their adjustment into a new year of academics and wonder if they are
prepared to manage the tasks ahead. Many parents avoid the concept of
talking to their children about a new school year for they fear putting
their children into bad moods and getting into a fight. On the other
hand, when parents do not approach talking about getting ready for
school and looking ahead to expectations for success, the avoided
conflicts tend to emerge shortly after school begins when problems may
already have arisen.
As with any transition, preparing ahead of time is always a good idea.
When situations are thought through, discussed, and planned for, there
tends to be less anxiety generated and a greater likelihood for
success. Young children in particular are not yet capable of thinking
in the abstract and plan ahead and need assistance in understanding
what is expected of them and how to reach their goals. Many times
parents place responsibilities on their children that they are not able
to developmentally manage which can set their child up for failure. The
responsibilities of school are common areas where parents either expect
their child to manage themselves or rely on the school to teach them
how to both organize and study.
Parents of both grade and middle school students need to sit down
with their children prior to each school year and discuss both
expectations and plans on how to help them succeed. Reviewing the
importance of school, your faith in their abilities to manage their
work, and discussing concepts such as studying, organization, and note
taking are all essential in making sure their child feels prepared.
Often times after such discussions, the parents and child determine
that there may be some areas that need some assistance and this can
then be provided which then serves to avoid a later problem. As I have
discussed in prior segments, self esteem is generated when the child
him of herself experiences success. When the child has the tools
necessary to manage their life, success is more likely.
Structure is also very important. Children and adolescents who have
a daily "routine" tend to do better academically and socially. For
example, it is always a good idea to have an after-school plan which
entails: 1) an after-school snack; 2) some time for play or sport; and
then 3) a scheduled homework time to be performed in a distraction-free
environment. Once homework has been completed, a "reward" time can be
offered to celebrate getting through their assignments after a long day
of school. When children have something to look forward towards, they
tend to feel less frustrated and seem more motivated.
For the high school student, who can think in the abstract and
hopefully understand that their success at this time of their academic
life will serve later goals, discussions are also necessary but
inquiring with them about how they plan to manage their school work
will make them feel as though you respect their intellect. If however,
you determine that they do not seem able to manage themselves well
enough, you will have to help them as well. Allowing children and
adolescents to "learn from their mistakes" is poor judgment on the part
of the parent for the child and adolescent is not yet mature enough to
manage their lives independently without parents.
A special consideration needs to be made for children who are also
starting a new school. Aside from preparing them for the academic tasks
ahead, care also needs to be made in terms of helping them adjust to a
new environment with new social and developmental challenges. Visiting
the new school prior to beginning the school year is always a good idea
even if the campus is empty of students. Here, your child can at least
get a feel for the new surroundings which will make them less anxious
once they arrive on the first day of school.
Key Points
1. discuss school beginning with your child now
2. review expectations for the year ahead of time
3. implement structure to help with success
4. make sure they have an academic plan and can perform the required tasks
5. get them some help if needed early
6. visit the school ahead of time if a new environment
