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Watch Dr. Kanner discuss this important subject this Monday, July 13th @ 8:20am on San Diego 6 News In The Morning. For more information, check out Dr Kanner's website at kanner.tv
Background: It began
with My Space, then Facebook, and now Twitter. All new age means of
communication incorporating a multitude of ways to communicate with an
almost endless amount of people, even at once! But, is this a good or
bad development and can the same analysis be made when considering
children and adolescents? All people, whether an adult or a child,
have natural and social desires and have built in needs to want to
affiliate and develop friendships. Unlike cell phones and texting,
Social Media allows for a plethora of visual and non-visual methods of
communication including words, pictures, video, and live chat all
without being in person. In fact, recent information has been stating
that social media is competing with text messaging in popularity. Therefore,
the interest is increasing, not decreasing and we need to better
understand how such changes affect children.
Referencing children and adolescents, Social Media is particularly
influential as kids are striving to shape their personalities and
incorporate what they have learned from their parents but also want
to know what their peers think and do as they are in the same
developmental worlds. Cellular phones and text messaging have provided such a
medium for years, again with both pros and cons,but these new media
methods are filled with bells, whistles, and many other ways for people
to learn and share both without any editing or meeting in person! One
can pretty much post anything they want to and no one is on the
computer site monitoring the daily interactions unless a problem is
reported to the site managers. In other words, anyone can load
pictures, comments, statements, and befriend anyone who wants to become
a "friend" irrespective of age or gender. On the surface, this seems
like perhaps a nice way to meet, share, and keep in touch with people,
but on the other hand,negative influences or too much information are
inherent in these mediums and can frequently lead to an overwhelming
experience, especially for children and adolescents. This is where
trouble can brew if the peer influences, or even pathological adult
influences, represent diversity from the core family's value system.
When this happens, a conflict occurs in the child and they have to
muddle through how to best incorporate feasible differences. This can
be very difficult, emotionally taxing, and there have been many cases
where such interactions have lead to serious problems including death,
due to the normal vulnerability that children and adolescents
experience as they are still in the process of development.
I have yet to meet an adult who is comfortable with their child having
a social media account period, or at the least one without parent
supervision. The few that I have interviewed who allow social media
independence have children, usually late-aged adolescents (15 years +),
who are excellent students, with solid morals, social skills, and
consistently make "good choices", and understand the potential dangers
about public expression of information. The parents who allow this,
have had very serious discussions with their kids about all of this and
state that is something goes wrong, the account will be closed. But
then, how would these parents know when something goes wrong if their
child did not come forward and tell them? Once again, adolescents are
not naturally open with adults, especially their parents as they strive
towards independence and have a naturally tendency to think they are
invulnerable.
As I opened up this discussion on my own Facebook and Twitter accounts,
as well as my website @ kanner.tv, the responses I received from both
adults and adolescents alike were expected. The adults were all
concerned about the negative effects of such "open" influences,
expressions, and dangers, while the adolescents all told me I was being
too much of a worry wart, like their parents and tried to convince me
that they were fully able to determine negative influences and that
they would encounter on line.
Another concerning element, like with cellualr phone texting, is that
often parents are the last to know that their child set up a Facebook
or MySpace account and once discovered, the parent cannot get onto
their child's site unless their own kid accepts them as a "friend". How
many adolescents would "allow" their parent to be their "friend" on
their site? Not many, if any. So, this presents a problem. All
parents want their child to be socially content and accepted and grow
into a responsible adult. All parents want their child to have friends
and be open in their capacity to learn and mature. But, on the other
hand, one of the major, if not most important role of a parent is to
protect their child from negative influences whether this is in person
or via other means of social interaction.
Once again, we are faced with social dilemma and we, as the adults,
need to pull together for the sake of our children and decide the best
way to navigate through the newfound Social Media age. We have had to
deal with this over the recent years with text messaging, and many
parents have found ways to control the over-use of this venue, but
these social media influences is a completely different animal implicit
with much more information and exposure. So, what do we do?
1. Educate your child about Social Media from both a prospective of
natural curiosity and desire, but also from a danger point of view.
2. Do not allow your child to set up a Social Media account unless you manage the account.
3. Only allow an independent account when they are mature-enough to
manage all influences. This is NOT typically feasible untill late
adolescence unless you have some super-human child.
4. If they have an account, be sure that you are present when they are
on-line in order to help them navigate any potential negative
influences.
If your child understands that you want them to have a social life, but
also be safe, you are sending a very caring and loving message to
them. Even if they fight you, they will thank you later when they are
mature enough to understand that you are not trying to punish them, but
love them.
Dr. Keith Kanner/ Morning Show HostYour Family Matters
San Diego 6 News In The Morning
San Diego Living Show
2008 Winner: IMedia Parenting Award for Television - Disney, Inc.
2009 Winner: Man Of The Year In Medicine & Healthcare - ABA
Host/Extra Life Changers - EXTRA TV
XETV l Bay City Television, Inc.
8253 Ronson Road, San Diego, CA 92111
(619) 261-2346
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About drkanner
Dr. Kanner is a Licensed Clinical Child, Adolescent, and Adult Psychologist and Psychoanalyst with a full time private practice in Rancho Santa Fe, California. He is also an Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychiatry in the School of Medicine at U.C. San Diego and a Clinical Instructor and Supervisor at the San Diego Psychoanalytic Society and Institute. Recently, he has become the Director of Clinical Counseling for La Jolla Country Day School and has been named to the National Board of Directors for KidsKorps, USA. He continues as a Consultant for many public and private schools in San Diego and has also received distinguished teaching awards over the past seven years. He is a published author and a sought after speaker on topics pertaining to childhood, adolescence, and parenthood. He is also presently writing a book for Fox based on his show, Your Family Matters.
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