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Watch Dr. Kanner discuss this timely segment this Monday, April 13th @ 8:20am on San Diego 6 News In The Morning.
Background: With the
current Pirate hostage situation presently happening this week
overseas, many people on the local and national fronts are asking what
constitutes a "very bad person"? Take Sid, for example, a 25 year-old
construction worker wo always seems to find a way to manipulate others to
meet his needs. Whether he makes promises that he never keeps or preys
on vulnerable co-workers to borrow money that he never repays, Sid
never seems to feel bad about any of his actions that leaves others in
a lurch. In fact, Sid will even rationalize that his actions are
warranted claiming that his victims somehow had it coming or somehow
thwarted him making him feel justified to "get them back". The reality
however, is such reasoning is only in Sid's head and has no basis in
reality. Nevertheless, Sid denies any self-responsibility for his
actions and is clearly self-absorbed.
Whereas most people experience internal conflict when faced with
stressful situations, people organized like Sid, do not experience the
conflict as internal, but actually blame the outside world for their
woes. In other words, it's never their fault and when they are in
turmoil, they seek an external cause for their plight and react as
though the problem was created by someone else. Such "projection" is
the classic sign of someone who is unhealthy and guides their everyday
existence where retaliation becomes a common practice as a means of
making them feel better. At least they think so. However, because of
such deep internal wounds, they never heal and continue to "act out" as
a fundamental means of existence. This way, they never have to come to
terms with who they really are and in a sense remain protected from
their own demise.
Many might ask if Sid and others like him consciously plan such
actions, or whether it is an automatic function of their personality
where they believe their reality. Both are true. In the first case, a
conscious plan to extort or hurt others is termed Sociopathy, while the
latter is a function of a serious Personality Disorder. In other words,
the Sociopath knows what he is doing, where the other type actually
believes their distorted perception and will not waver despite proof
otherwise.In fact, often times when the truth prevails, these types of
people will always challenge or denounce such truths and even attempt
to discredit the credible source. In either case, these people are bad
news and should be avoided once people catch onto their character.
Because of such deep pathology and a distorted view of reality, the
sociopath can appear very believeable and even at times charming! Once
again, either they have a conscious plan or truly believe falsehoods.
Not surprising, these two types of people have stormy interpersonal
relationships and if they are involved romantically, they typically
take advantage of their partner and never feel bad about it, for they
feel justified and often dream up some sort of rationalization that the
other person provoked them despite reality illustrating otherwise.
Occupational conflicts are also common as such individuals really do
not like to work and resent the fact that others may be more fortunate
then they are. Therefore, extensive envy and anger fuel their
manipulations and intentions to "win" despite the negative effects on
others, and even sometimes on themselves. In other words, they will
gamble even if they could they could go to prison because their selfish
needs are more powerful then any sort or reason. In a way, this makes
them also self-destructive as well as harmful to others.
Very unhealthy childhoods are typically at the root of their problems.
Poor bonding and functional relatedness with primary caregivers is
frequently at the core where they have developed their personalities to
avoid any further hurt and to fend off fear and vulnerability. Here,
they avoid true intimacy, attack the ones who they are suppose to love,
and are never at fault. Viewing the world as black or white, they
either love you or hate you, or split between the two without any
typical normal acceptance in accepting people for who they are, for
better or worse.
Given such individuals will not take responsibility for themselves, the
prognosis of any type of attitude or behavior change is very poor, if
not impossible. They never seek treatment unless mandated to do so and
once in a treatment situation, often terminate once their issues are
brought to their attention.Unfortunately, as these are particularly
trying times due to the economy, it is likely that we will see more of
these types of individuals in full colors because they are nervous like
everyone else. In fact, crime rates are rising and this past week, we
have been dealing with an international pirate hostage situation for
the first time in many years. To make matters even worse, these types
of individuals will often collude with others who are made up the same
way and do double the damage! Unlike most people who try to take a
deep breath and come up with reasonable plans to get through difficult
times, the sociopath will continue to prey on others to meet their
selfish needs. Be aware and stay clear!
Key Points:
1. Bad people always blame others for their problems
2. Pathological self-centeredness and entitlement is at their core
3. They seem to not have a Conscience
4. Either they know they are lying or believe their distortions
5. Given the economy, more of these people will act out against others
6. They can on the surface seem charming, but underneath are devious
7. Any sort of change in their behavior is very doubtful
Dr. Keith Kanner/ Morning Show HostYour Family Matters
San Diego 6 News In The Morning
San Diego Living Show
2008 Winner: IMedia Parenting Award for Television - Disney, Inc.
2009 Winner: Man Of The Year In Medicine & Health Care - ABA
XETV l Bay City Television, Inc.
8253 Ronson Road, San Diego, CA 92111
(619) 261-2346
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About drkanner
Dr. Kanner is a Licensed Clinical Child, Adolescent, and Adult Psychologist and Psychoanalyst with a full time private practice in Rancho Santa Fe, California. He is also an Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychiatry in the School of Medicine at U.C. San Diego and a Clinical Instructor and Supervisor at the San Diego Psychoanalytic Society and Institute. Recently, he has become the Director of Clinical Counseling for La Jolla Country Day School and has been named to the National Board of Directors for KidsKorps, USA. He continues as a Consultant for many public and private schools in San Diego and has also received distinguished teaching awards over the past seven years. He is a published author and a sought after speaker on topics pertaining to childhood, adolescence, and parenthood. He is also presently writing a book for Fox based on his show, Your Family Matters.
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