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Watch this segment live on Monday, March 23rd @ 8:20am on San Diego 6 News In The Morning.
Background: It is
that time of year again where many college students decide to "go wild"
on spring break somewhere in the sun with access to alcohol, parties,
and other events which have been shown to be generally hazardous to
their health. Despite the numerous horror stories over the years
however, the amount of college students who go off with their friends
to party has not decreased at all. Even with the recession, travel
agents claim that sales for spring break remain relatively high and
consistent. It is easy to understand that many college students want
to "let loose" and "have fun" when on a school vacation, but not all
college students choose to "go wild". In fact, most college students
go home for spring break and spend time with their friends and even
their families, and if they do decide to take a vacation, it is usually
more controlled. For many, visiting with their high school friends is
a nice way to compare college stories and make visiting home a little
easier. One must ask then, why does a select group of young adults
choose to "go party", rather than go home?
There is not a single answer to this question, but some of the reasons
might include: strained relationships with their parents; academic
hardship; poor self-regulation or self-control; mild depression, and
for some, they just want to "have fun". In many cases however, when
one looks into the college "party crowd", their behavior speaks to
underlying conflicts that might have continued into college from high
school or even before, or it has to do with adjustment difficulties to
living away from home and being more independent.
Just because a person graduates from high school and moves onto
college, does not necessarily mean that they have mastered the
developmental tasks of young adulthood and may still need their parents
to step in and help them from making poor decisions. In other words, a
person's chronological age does not necessary mean they are mentally
mature. Many parents however, automatically equate a high school
diploma with parenting coming to an end. It does not, and a parent is
a parent for life, watching, listening, observing, and contributing to
the healthy lifestyles of their children and even grandchildren.
Obviously, some individuals "need" their parents more than others and
as a general rule of thumb, it makes more sense for a parent to help
"when needed", rather than controlling when they do not need to. But,
as with small children and adolescents, parents need to step in when
they are concerned that harm may be in their child's path, such as
spring break given the numerous horror stories that have made the news
over the past number of years. One must also keep in mind, that
negative outcomes increase when around others in the same conditions.
Furthermore, the so-called spring break destination sites capitalize on
taking advantage of the young and naive college student.
The good news however, is that despite college, most parents still have
a certain amount of influence in reference to their children if they
have maintained a healthy relationship with them, but many parents
choose to "not" interfere with their children because they believe they
are "adults now", and think that they need to be on their own and learn
from their own mistakes. This is a pathway to disaster. A comparison
would be if you had an adult friend who was struggling, would you lend
a hand, or let them flounder. I hope the answer was help, as this is a
core component of any friendship. A parent's relationship with a child
naturally matures but always has the best interests and caring for
one's child and over time, and, as the child matures, parents and
children become more contemporary and reciprocal. College students
however, are still developing and trying to do so away from home.
When spring breaks go sideways, it is always a cry for help to the
parents of that student but communicated in behavior, rather than
words. In fact, once any parent hears that their child is planning on
going on spring break alone with a group of peers, the invested parent
needs to discuss the trip and determine as to whether or not it is in
the best interests of their child to go. For example, if a college
student is failing classes, obviously, they are not taking care of
themselves and going into a situation where the environment is filled
with potential dangers, is a recipe for a disaster. Granted, not all
spring break goers are in trouble and crying out for help, but enough
are that as parents, one needs to invest themselves in finding out more
behind the intentions, plans, and to help determine whether or not,
going on a week long party train is a good or bad choice.
Key Points:
1. Spring Break party trips can be very dangerous.
2. Parents need to discuss the trip and evaluate whether the trip is a good or bad idea.
3. College age does NOT necessarily equal maturity.
4. Parents need to determine if the trip is a cry for help.
5. As an alternative, plan fun family vacations and let them bring a friend from college.
Dr. Keith Kanner
Morning Show Host
Your Family Matters
San Diego 6 News
San Diego Living
XETV - San Diego
drkanner@sandiego6.com
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About drkanner
Dr. Kanner is a Licensed Clinical Child, Adolescent, and Adult Psychologist and Psychoanalyst with a full time private practice in Rancho Santa Fe, California. He is also an Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychiatry in the School of Medicine at U.C. San Diego and a Clinical Instructor and Supervisor at the San Diego Psychoanalytic Society and Institute. Recently, he has become the Director of Clinical Counseling for La Jolla Country Day School and has been named to the National Board of Directors for KidsKorps, USA. He continues as a Consultant for many public and private schools in San Diego and has also received distinguished teaching awards over the past seven years. He is a published author and a sought after speaker on topics pertaining to childhood, adolescence, and parenthood. He is also presently writing a book for Fox based on his show, Your Family Matters.
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