Be sure to watch Dr. Kanner discuss this segment live on Monday, November 3rd @ 8:20am on San Diego 6 News In The Morning.
Background: For many school districts, this week is Red Ribbon week dedicated to educating children and adolescents about the negative effects of drugs and alcohol. Given the younger age of drug and alcohol usage in our youth, such education is essential in helping to prevent experimentation, usage , and addiction to substances which could ruin a child’s life.
Many parents are unaware of the newfound data showing that drug usage is no longer just evident in high school, but commonly now in middle school and even in some cases, grade school. In addition, the types of drugs used by our youth are far more dangerous than in previous years and the onset age of substance use and addition is the youngest ever in history.
The educational system has historically been responsible to “educate” children and adolescents about “health-related issues”, such as substance use and abuse and sexuality, and this type of education is both mandatory and necessary. But, even before the school system tackles such issues, each parent and family needs to address such issues at home with their children, for as important as the school environment is for education and growth, the nuclear family is even more important.
From a very early age, all children look up to their parents for identification and modeling. Due to early wishes to “please parents” and make them proud, the young child is very impressionable from ages 3 to 6. This critical age is where parents can instill solid morals and habits and when this is matched with helping a child develop his or her own identity, healthy children prevail. Once into the Tween and Teen years, the adolescents are more difficult to reach by adults, particularly parents, due to their desires to separate and individuate. Here, the parent is often seen as the adversary not the ally and teaching them is more complicated but not impossible.
So when should parents talk to their children about such critical issues and what is the best method?
1.
Children are curious by nature. Once a child begins asking you questions, it is essential that all parents use this opportunity to educate and mandate certain morals and choices. For example, most school-age children have either learned or heard about alcohol and drugs and will frequently ask their parents questions. This becomes a wonderful opportunity for the parent to both educate and help shape good decision-making. But the parent also needs to know “how to” and “what to say”.
For the 5 to 10 year olds, due to their level of cognition or thinking, and a developmental pre-occupation with their bodies, a link needs to be made between the use of drugs and alcohol and such substances “being bad for their bodies”. This concrete link is something that children in this age-group can understand and is not too complicated or over-whelming for them to digest. Matched by parents also “making good choices” and modeling “healthy behaviors”, the child has been fed the needed ingredients to help shape good decisions.
2.
It is never too late. Although more complicated, once a child has entered pre-adolescence and proper adolescence, they have also developed the capacity to
abstract, which the previous age group lacked in capacity.
The good news is that parents can not only talk about the awful effects that negative substances can have on their bodies, but also what such usage can do to the rest of their lives, namely their future. Adolescents by nature are vain and want to be admired by others, but often are stuck in the present socially and educationally. When adults help them look ahead to their futures, new pathways develop and insight often follows.
3.
Protection follows talking. Parents should always be “on-call” and aware of their children’s life and behaviors. Most children who actively use alcohol or drugs have observable symptoms which can be detected by the aware parent and when the parent then intervenes, crises are prevented and often the child learns his or her lesson. Such symptoms might include: poor grades; personality changes; depression; and very poor judgment. In addition, most children who are experimenting or using on a habitual basis are sloppy in covering their tracks and leave traces of evidence.
4.
Be brave. As uncomfortable confronting sensitive issues with children and adolescents can be for a parent, change and choice follows a lead from the parents from the beginning . When a child witnesses their parent being clear, not anxious, and matter-of-fact, the information becomes meaningful and tends to be taken seriously.
In conclusion, it is not enough to rely on a child’s school for educating. Learning needs to start and continue in the home. Even though most children at times seem disinterested in what their parents have to say, in this case, words are stronger than actions – they do hear you and need to know what you have to say. Use weeks such as this one to sit down with your child and discuss what they are learning in school. Be open to their questions, express your expectations, and keep a watchful eye at all times.
Dr. Keith Kanner
Host
Your Family Matters
San Diego 6 News
San Diego Living Show
drkanner@sandiego6.com
