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Watch Dr. Kanner discuss this topic live this Monday, March 1st @ 8:20am on San Diego 6 News In The Morning.
Background: Recently,
the San Diego County Board of Supervisors altered the juvenile curfew
law for unincorporated areas, requiring that minors be home by 10pm
Sunday through Thursday nights and 11pm Friday and Saturdays. For the
first time, the County officials wanted to bring the curfew consistent
with the city of San Diego which calls for kids to be home by 10pm each
night of the week. Some argue that "good and responsible kids are being
punished", but enforcing a curfew, by getting kids home and off the
streets, saves lives and should reduce crime. Furthermore, a City and a
County curfew allows parents to use the law when setting limits with
their adolescents and no longer have to fight about compared times
with their friend's family's rules. In this case, uniform is a good
thing.
Battles over curfews have been as frequent as battles over
homework, choice of clothing, media viewing, and dating rules. Parents
are therefore placed in very difficult positions - they want to
protect, but also enhance independence and confidence in their child's
decisions which ultimately leads to better self-esteem, independent
functioning, and future success.
Adolescents however are not yet "mature" adults by definition.
Numerous studies over the years document that parents need to continue
"oversee" their children usually until at a minimum late adolescence
(17 or 18 years) and sometimes later depending upon the individual
teenager. Sure, there are some children and adolescents who are just
"naturally" responsible, but most have their ups and downs and need
their parents to be the gatekeepers until they are ready to fly from
the nest which is commonly when they get settled in college or the
workplace.
So, how can parents both protect, but also promote the adolescent's drive towards independence?
The answer is based on the particular adolescent's track record.
When parents are aware of their child's capacity to manage their lives,
academically, socially, and healthfully, this gives the parent actual
data to make personal decisions of all aspects of their child's life,
including curfew times. Such an individual approach takes into account
the recognition that each child is a individual and has different needs
from their peers. There are some additional considerations however
that each parent must consider such as: 1) particular laws in each city
or state about curfew times; 2) legal rules about the whereabouts of
teenagers after hours; 3) having an open line of communication with
your teenager so you "know generally where they are"; 4) a plan of
getting help if necessary; and 5) the parent always being "on-call" for
emergencies. It is additionally important that all parents educate
their teenagers about everything from driving statistics to social and
dating concerns. Even though most adolescents will tell their parents
that they "already know this stuff", the "mature" parent still needs to
cover their bases.
In most cases, as teenagers mature and take better care of themselves,
parents feel more comfortable giving them some additional leverage and
this makes sense. But it is very important that parents keep a
watchful eye over such new endeavors, for sometimes too much becomes
too much for the teenager and the parent has to pull back on the
reigns. Parenting a teenager is considered one of the most stressful
times for parents for the enterprise entails trial and error. But, for
the parents who practice good judgment, know their child, are fair, and
understand what is normal and not developmentally for their teenager,
they fair much better than the ones who are either naive or try to
befriend their teenager. Parents need to always be parents and their
children will ultimately appreciate such an investment. On the side of
the healthy teenager, such an approach is deemed as "fair" and makes
sense to most of them - they make accuse the parent of being "
over-protective", but also see them as being "loving and caring".
Key Points:
1. Set curfews following the laws and also based on your teenagers individual attributes.
2. In most cases, curfews are slowly extended due to personal maturity.
4. Parents who have good judgment, know their child, are fair, and understand development fair the best with their teenager.
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Follow Dr. Kanner both on our website here at San Diego6.com and at www.kanner.tv
Your Family Matters "Hot
Topics" for 2010: Viewer Requested Topics: March/April 2010
"Divorce Attorney Nightmares": Sponsored and endorsed by
consumer protection-oriented attorneys and advocates, Your Family Matters will explore
the divorce industry in California
and the destruction and sorrow that comes out of this deeply flawed
system. The statistics are staggering---more than 70% of
marriages in California
end in divorce. This is big business for family lawyers, who are paid by
the hour and have no financial incentive to settle cases. The
court system is equally flawed, making it very difficult for couples to handle
their own divorce. The end result? Instead of trying to
help families and children get through the divorce process with as little
suffering as possible, many divorce lawyers fuel the conflict to generate
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better understand how to protect themselves from being taken advantage of, and more
importantly will provide information and alternative methods for handling divorce----methods
which involve less time, less stress and will leave consumers with money left over
to get on with their lives.
"Raising
Healthy Children": What are the basic ingredients in raising healthy
children? Dr. Kanner will consider a range of developmental,
educational, social, emotional, and family practices in putting
together a formula for parents to consider in raising healthy, caring,
and self-responsible children.
More "Hot Topics" to follow for the months of March through December 2010.
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Dr. Keith Kanner/ Morning Show HostYour Family Matters
San Diego 6 News In The Morning
San Diego Living Show
2008 Winner: IMedia Parenting Award for Television - Disney, Inc.
2009 Winner: Man Of The Year In Medicine & Healthcare - ABA
Host/Extra Life Changers - EXTRA TV
Anchor/Host: Dr Kanner & Kompany - WSRadio-San Diego
XETV l Bay City Television, Inc.
8253 Ronson Road, San Diego, CA 92111
(619) 261-2346
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About drkanner
Dr. Kanner is a Licensed Clinical Child, Adolescent, and Adult Psychologist and Psychoanalyst with a full time private practice in Rancho Santa Fe, California. He is also an Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychiatry in the School of Medicine at U.C. San Diego and a Clinical Instructor and Supervisor at the San Diego Psychoanalytic Society and Institute. Recently, he has become the Director of Clinical Counseling for La Jolla Country Day School and has been named to the National Board of Directors for KidsKorps, USA. He continues as a Consultant for many public and private schools in San Diego and has also received distinguished teaching awards over the past seven years. He is a published author and a sought after speaker on topics pertaining to childhood, adolescence, and parenthood. He is also presently writing a book for Fox based on his show, Your Family Matters.
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